Updated: Feb 14, 2020
Homemade cookies are the best. I love the gooey first bite and the delicious smell that lingers in the kitchen for hours afterwards. My problem is that when I'm making them for myself, I don’t cook them long enough. I get hungry and despite knowing better, I pull them out of the oven before they are completely done. I fully own that my impatience results in sub-par cookie consumption.
Enter our topic today: relationship readiness
So you’re single. You’ve thought about dating and maybe even created a profile or two. Friends and family are constantly questioning your relationship status, and if one more person asks “why aren’t you married?” you will scream. You’re truly happy with your life, and you can’t figure out whether or not toput yourself out there.
When people describe this situation (and they do all the time), my response is why?
Why do you want to date?
Why is it difficult to start dating?
Why don’t you tell your friends and family to shove off (in a nice way of course)?
Enter the concept of relationship readiness. Similar to my plight with properly baking a cookie, dating and entering a relationship too early will leave you with a half baked partnership. So consider your response.
If you’re because is: I feel like I need to date or I “should” be dating. Wait to date. Many of us feel pressure to date by loved ones, culture, society, and social media (#cutecouplealert #relationshipgoals #throwup). We are taught that having a significant other (or not having one) defines a large part of our identity. In the case of external pressure, don’t push to get out there before you’re ready. Stay true to yourself.
If you’re because is: I want a romantic partnership at some point, but modern dating seems overwhelming and frankly, a bit scary. Slowly get back out there. Start small and set manageable, realistic goals. Choose one dating site, and start exploring. It’s okay to dip your toe in the dating pool.
If you’re because is: I’m bad at dating and everytime I put myself out there nothing happens. Get back out there, but in a different way. Take stock of what has worked in the past and what hasn’t. There may be underlying obstacles or patterns that are resulting in disappointment, and building self-awareness, confidence, and experimenting with new strategies can lead to a different outcome.
At the end of the day, you know yourself better than anyone else. So whatever your because may be, trust your inner wisdom. Feeling ready to date makes all the difference.